| An internet associate
of mine, not one of my colleagues, contends that there is a difference
between being nice and being kind, especially as a woman. According to
her, nice conjures the image of the ecegood girle: cloying,
saccharine, devoid of personality . According to my friend, Nice
conforms to the expectations of others, even at their own emotional or
mental expense, to avoid hurting the feelings of others. Nice never
challenges authority, asks why, or other questions that may be
uncomfortable or awkward. Nice is a doormat par excellence. Ultimately,
Nice is the woman who ends up losing her mind and committing violence
in order to reassert her independence and right to say,
ecenoe.
Kind, on the other hand, has no problem saying ecenoe when
appropriate though it is not said with cruelty or malice; of course,
there will be exceptions to that rule. Kind is giving and caring but
does not suffer ingrates. The Kind woman can certainly choose to walk
on broken glass to help another person, usually their child who they
love regardless of said childeTMs behavior. More importantly, Kind
understands that she is not Superwoman, nor should she be and that
there are certain things she cannot or will not do.
When my friend posted her ponderings, it was the first time I had
seen anyone draw such a well-defined difference between those synonyms.
It made me stop and think how I describe myself. I have come to the
conclusion that I am definitely kind, though I have been nice in the
past. It was an aberration in personality, for which I paid dearly. The
reason this is an important consideration for women is because we are
socialized to be giving to others even when we should not. We learn at
a very early age that in order to be considered a proper woman,
ecedeservinge of all the consideration and praise our
foremothers received, our lives will be one of self-sacrifice. If we
say ecenoe then that automatically makes us a bad:
girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, and so on. To be
Nice, always say eceyese with a smile! As a result, when the
proper woman finally gathers the strength to say No, just once, it is
usually screamed and loaded with frustration, anger, sadness and all
sundry of negative feelings.
It is very stressful. Having been in that situation in the past, I resolved to change my approach.
Now when I extend myself, it is with genuine desire to do so and I
do so enthusiasticallyewith my clients, for example. Hence the
rigorous screening process. I rarely have to say ecenoe at
all, since I carry myself in a way that precludes any thought that I
may have ecewelcomee tattooed on my back. But when I do say,
ecenoe, it is matter-of-fact and devoid of resentment or
hostilityewith a couple of personal exceptions. While I believe
the average man may want the Nice Girl, the smart, exceptional man
wants and appreciates the Kind Woman. Certainly, he will always know
where he stands with a Kind Woman! |
